Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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