Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
