Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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