I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
