i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
