omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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