and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
