Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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