The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
