She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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