I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
