Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
