also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
