The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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