Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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