Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
