I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i permit you to call me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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