Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did you get engaged???
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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