What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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