I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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