There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
