just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
