New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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