one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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