I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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