I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
