I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
