Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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