never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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