So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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