i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
