She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
