No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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