She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
