If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm at about main and main street
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
