The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
