Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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