Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
