There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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