Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Will exercising make me less horny?
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