I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
