one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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