i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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