the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
