Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
