you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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