i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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