Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
