nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
