so explain again why im purple
no
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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