why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
