Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
